Several clerks working inside the Supreme Court have confirmed that the Justices will be hearing the case to reinstate President Trump to his rightful place in the White House.
The report comes just days after Mike Lindell’s latest reinstatement theory fell flat, looking more like a fundraising scam for the flailing My Pillow business. Trump supporters and true believers across the world are now waiting for official word from the court.
The clerks reporting the news say they haven’t seen the court this excited in a long time. Joe Baron, head clerk at the gift shop, says his intel is solid:
“I was across the room when a guy I only know as Dave told another guy that Bret Kavanaugh was giddy over the news of Trump’s reinstatement. Of course, I was lipreading, so he could have been feeling shitty over the lubes of Monk’s basement. Which almost makes as much sense.”
The other witness to the day’s biggest news, Sandy Batt, clerked for Justice Kennedy in 1991. She was also in the gift shop when Dave told the other guy what was going down:
“I was just there for some Thin Mints, sweetie. Now kindly fuck off.”
Her testimony wasn’t helpful to us at all, but we did overhear her telling someone that the Thin Mints were actually to celebrate Trump’s return. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.
God Bless America.