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Chris Wallace Quits CNN After One Day of Rehearsals

It only took former Fox News anchor Chris Wallace one day to figure out that the grass isn’t greener on the communist side. Wallace, after being exposed to CNN’s lunacy, used a recension clause in his contract and went home. Wallace wasn’t available for comment.

The story was leaked on Twitter by a liberal pundit known for getting things out before anyone else, so the source is solid.

According to our sources embedded at CNN, Wallace wasn’t fond of several of the policies there. He was asked to remove his crucifix, as well as his wedding band, as they are “ruthless examples of how the ruling class controls the people.” He was also forced to surrender his lunch and ended up with someone’s half-eaten Jersey Mike’s tuna sub. When the time came to sit down and tape a show and they were all passing around a single bottle of water, Wallace decided he had enough.

He reportedly told his friends that he was already unhappy with the way the salary structure works there. Wallace has an annual worth of ^2.6 million, which is added to the pot for everyone. In the end, everyone there got a raise, and Wallace ended up with the new average, which is $462K, for the first 10 years.

Good for him for opting out, but there’s not a whole lotta options out there for a guy too liberal for Trump but too conservative for communism, patriots. Let’s hope he finds his way.

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