State Senator Kenneth McCormick, a fixture in the Colorado Democratic party and a rising star at the national level, has been found dead under highly suspicious circumstances.
Senator McCormick was a well known moderate Democrat who had been openly critical of President Joe Biden as well as Hillary Clinton during her 2016 campaign.
Earlier this month Senator McCormick had filed to challenge President Biden in the 2024 primaries, and recent early polling had him leading the current occupant of the White House by a comfortable margin of between 12 and 15 points according to multiple polls conducted since the filing, and a whopping 24 points in a poll conducted by renowned Iowa pollster Ann Selzer.
Residents of Mr. McCormick’s home town were shocked by his untimely death and held a candlelight vigil Thursday evening for their beloved Senator.
According to local police, the scene of the accident was as gruesome as it was suspicious. South Park Acting Police Chief Barbrady explains:
“The victim had been trimming his hedges while standing on a tall ladder. According to his neighbor and childhood friend Eric Cartman, who had just come back from the Ribs n Gas convenience store to purchase a bag of Cheesy Poofs, a loud scream and a crashing sound emanated from Mr. McCormick’s back yard.
Upon investigating the noise, Mr. Cartman found the victim laying in a pool of blood, disemboweled by his hedge clippers, but still alive and trying to say something. Unfortunately, Mr. McCormick expired seconds after Mr. Cartman arrived on the scene.
Shortly after the incident, a black SUV was seen speeding away from the scene, narrowly missing Mr. Cartman’s mother, who was on her way home from her shift as head milkmaid at the Bukkake Fountain creamery. For this and other reasons I cannot disclose at this time we are treating the incident as a potential homicide.”
Sadly, this is not the first time a political opponent of Hillary Clinton or President Biden has died under mysterious circumstances.
We asked Mr. McCormick’s best friends, Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski what they thought of the tragic accident:
“Oh my God, they killed Kenny!” lamented Mr. Marsh.
“You bastards!”, Mr. Broflovski chimed in. “I don’t know why they did this. All he ever said about Hillary Clinton is he thought her ass kept getting bigger.”
And there you have it, my fellow Potatriots. Yet another suspicious “accident” involving the Clinton Crime Family.