The year was 2014 : Dark lipstick was “in” again. “How I Met Your Mother” disappointed millions with an ending more annoying than the show itself. Lorde assured us that we’d never be Roooyyyaaallllss. And according to recently unearthed flight records by the White House Department of Transportation, former Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter took the liberty of “borrowing” …
Read More »Monthly Archives: July 2021
Adam Schiff’s Daughter is Dating the Whistleblower
Sources in the office of the Director of Information for the RNC have revealed that they have proof that the whistleblower isn’t just a Democrat operative — she’s dating Adam Schiff’s daughter. Karen Schiff, the 26-year-old pharmaceutical rep from California, worked in the same research lab as the whistleblower’s half-sister, Yolanda. According to our source, who may or may not …
Read More »Obama Calls UN Security Meeting Behind Trump’s Back and 17 Countries Showed Up
Former President Barack Hussein Obama was welcomed at the UN over the weekend for a secret meeting of the Security Council. But that’s not all. 17 countries, many with close ties to our enemies China and France, showed up at the meeting to support what we can only imagine is a plan to take over the US if Trump wins …
Read More »Malia Obama Admits She’s ‘Not Related’ To Ex-Pres Barack
Malia Obama was with friends recently, having a blueberry latte and a hazelnut scone in Chicago, when she dropped a major bombshell: She said she’s “not related” to Barack Obama, former president and p[osibly a Muslim. The news spread after someone sitting within earshot texted her friend, Miranda, who immediately sent the news out on Snapchat, Instagram, and Pornhub. The …
Read More »Abbott Says Texas Border Wall Will Be ‘Electrified’
“Don’t mess with Texas,” the old saying goes. The Lone Star State has always had it’s own unique brand of pride and cartoonishly violent stubbornness, for a former Mexican territory that couldn’t even manage to hold down one fort and has legally outlawed the Encyclopedia Britannica. Not kidding. In a recent press junket last week, governor Greg Abbott announced the …
Read More »Governor’s Convention Votes 36-15 to Begin Impeachment Proceedings Against Biden
The governors of 35 states plus Puerto Rico voted today to begin impeachment hearings against Joe Biden. The Convention ended a 4-day session with the historic vote, one that hasn’t been satirized since Obama was in office. That vote, which didn’t actually happen in 2018, is still viral and in the hearts and minds of taters everywhere. Puerto Rico’s Governor …
Read More »Ashli Babbit Named Woman Of The Year
Great news, Patriots! Ashli Babbit, the hero of the January 6th patriot rally at the Capitol, is finally being recognized for her sacrifice. She will receive the prestigious “Woman of the Year” award from a world-renowned institution responsible for the cultural development and education of American children across the south. Along with the award comes a substantial cash prize for …
Read More »Supreme Court Will Hear Case To Strip Nancy Pelosi Of Her Gavel
According to a source inside the Supreme Court, the justices have voted 6-3 along party lines to hear a case to strip Nancy Pelosi of her gavel. The source, which may or may not be completely credible or real, has delivered valuable information in the past that has made hyperbolic headlines soar for months on end. The case was brought …
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