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Pelosi Pulls $17 Billion From V.A. to Fund Firearm Buyback Program

With pressure mounting on the Democratic Congress to do something about the proliferation of gun violence in America, the progressive left has gone into overdrive.  After Beto O’Rourke threw out a suggestion for a gun buyback program to get dangerous military-grade weaponry out of the hands of psychopaths, Speaker Nancy Pelosi ran with it, and has reportedly pulled the funding for such an endeavor directly from the Veteran’s Administration to the tune of 17 billion dollars.

Critics of the plan say the funds should come from another source, but a Democratic spokesperson related that President Trump pulled funding for schools on military bases to finance his border wall masturbatory fantasy, therefore “anything goes.”  Pelosi herself gave a statement to the Washington Streetqueefer yesterday afternoon :

“I believe there’s a certain bit of irony attached to taking money from veteran’s services to continue to protect the country.  No one needs a machine gun to ‘protect their family.’  Owning one is a flimsy excuse to pretend you have a giant dick when you’re probably waddling around with a cocktail frank.  Plus, we’re buying them back.  You’ll get money.  Think how many bottles of Mad Dog and Whoppers with cheese you’ll be able to buy.  Just relax.”

“Yo, can I trade for a Gamestop card? I gotsta get me some ‘Shrek’s Dance Party’ for my 360.”

The Buyback program will begin in November, with staffed stations popping up at public buildings in all major cities.  Every station will also have a police security detail to assure that anyone with an automatic weapon trades it in and leaves empty-handed.  It’s all a small sacrifice to Make America Safe Again

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