The average American has probably never heard of the process of Clamoris Victus, an obscure constitutional process reserved under article 6, sections 3-5 specifically for any President or public official who has been subject to more than one impeachment proceeding. It was used only once before in history, to punish Joeseph Barron, an 1824 Texas Senator, who was removed from office for lifting a woman’s dress to expose her ankles publically within the house of Representatives.
Nonethess, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and President Joe Biden have signed a new version of the act this morning, which will legally and procedurally forbids disgraced former President Donald Trump from running a second time for office. As the two highest ranking officers of the constitutional court, the ban is binding and irreversible.
News political expert Jon Guluv told audiences last week that he suspected Trump wouldn’t run anyway, and the order was simply an insurance policy against his and his supporter’s deeply demented idealism.
“After a term that ended up labelling him the worst leader in history and despised by more than half the population, I think he’s already had it. He’d be crazy to try again, although, he did suggest nuking hurricanes and thinks 80 million people cheated him out of his job, so you never know.”
“Let’s not forget that the experience completely ruined his con man status. He had been sort of flying under the radar, avoiding prosecution. Now he’s facing tons of lawsuits and shown the whole world his incompetence. I think he’s completely through, but this step just helps grind his balls into the shitpile.”
Trump has remained silent through the process, although supporter and pillionaire version of Tom Cruise’s character from “Tropic Thunder” Mike Lindell maintained to the press that he has an alternate solution to the quandry. Let’s hope it doesn’t involve making more crack-fueled YouTube videos.